This blog will be moving shortly to a new, dedicated URL. In the new and expanded site, I plan to add add some additional content around a couple themes, and make it more of a 'site' than a blog.
I'll move any content here over to the new site, just to keep everything in one place.
I've been trying to get to this for going on a year, things have finally let up a bit. It's been fun to play with a new Content Management System.
On the off chance I have any readers, I'll look forward to seeing you on the the new site. :)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Real life intrudes
I enjoy writing. If you've suffered through my too-long posts, you're aware of that already, but hopefully found some reward in the content and graphic descriptions of our playtime.
I haven't posted anything for over six months now, though, because we simply haven't done much, and also because we've been so damn busy. Real life intrudes. Which, it occurred to me, might be worth making a post about. (Actually, there's a topic on FetLife to which I just responded which is similar. But the FetLife topics are different, as they're conversations, not essays.)
We, like many folks, are struggling with aging parents, including one with Alzheimer's. We also have a young family that takes up a ton of time, although it's certainly rewarding. And I am fortunate to have found and started a new job, but as with all jobs in this economy, it's got some downsides. Then, to top it off, my wife is getting some low-grade medical issues she's getting worked out, but which leave her exhausted.
So, where does that leave us with D/s play?
Pretty much nowhere.
The spirits are willing, but the flesh is weak. And damn tired. And not very available. {laughing}
So, what do we do? Mostly nothing. However, when we do have time for anything, we usually get the motors going with me whispering what I'd like to do to her in her ear. I tell a good story, and we can't even put on a movie with my mother-in-law lurking about.
But the kids are back in school soon... and I'm working from home quite a bit. And my in-laws will be gone soon. Things are looking up.
I haven't posted anything for over six months now, though, because we simply haven't done much, and also because we've been so damn busy. Real life intrudes. Which, it occurred to me, might be worth making a post about. (Actually, there's a topic on FetLife to which I just responded which is similar. But the FetLife topics are different, as they're conversations, not essays.)
We, like many folks, are struggling with aging parents, including one with Alzheimer's. We also have a young family that takes up a ton of time, although it's certainly rewarding. And I am fortunate to have found and started a new job, but as with all jobs in this economy, it's got some downsides. Then, to top it off, my wife is getting some low-grade medical issues she's getting worked out, but which leave her exhausted.
So, where does that leave us with D/s play?
Pretty much nowhere.
The spirits are willing, but the flesh is weak. And damn tired. And not very available. {laughing}
So, what do we do? Mostly nothing. However, when we do have time for anything, we usually get the motors going with me whispering what I'd like to do to her in her ear. I tell a good story, and we can't even put on a movie with my mother-in-law lurking about.
But the kids are back in school soon... and I'm working from home quite a bit. And my in-laws will be gone soon. Things are looking up.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Roleplay: Permission to be a slut, or to treat her like one
There are plenty of articles out there about how roleplay and D/s gives one "permission" to be slut.
However, it occurred to me the other day, during our 'play date' that the same thing is true for the person who is in the dominant role.
By assuming our roles, it gives me permission to treat her like a slut, a whore, or as she likes to be called, "my dirty fuck hole."
In our day-to-day lives, I'd never, ever treat her like that, nor even think of her that way. Actually, even as I write this, the idea is a bit horrifying. But, in the bedroom, I give her what she needs by ordering her to strip, pleasure me, assume submissive positions, crawl, be tied, spanked, whatever.
Our bondage play and such really started at her suggestion, although being a happy kinkster I've been delighted to accommodate her. But last week as I viewed her on the floor, completely naked on her knees, her forehead touching the floor, her hands out ahead of her, her ass in the air, and her legs spread a bit to give me easy access to her pussy and ass, I realized that the roleplay was giving me permission to actually ask for what I wanted. Which was this:.Complete and absolute carnality without regard to what she might think of me for asking (no, telling) her to do, or even possibly her own desires and do/don't list. To some degree, this is objectifying this woman that I love, the mother of my children, by treating her as a vessel for my own sexual desires.
That I'm actually fulfilling her needs has always made our play okay with me intellectually on one level. But it's only been recently, and I mean, like, in the last 6 months, that I got through some other mental barrier of my own to reach a new level, where I no longer play a role trying to cater to what I've been able to figure out around her sexual fantasies and desires, and asking only for what I think she, my wife, will let me do or wants me to do. Now, by adding that element of objectification, I'm separating the person that is my wife from my own desires. I've stopped (well, started to stop) worrying about her rejecting what I want and me as a person for asking for it, and am increasingly ordering her more firmly to do what I want her to do. This may seem like a small difference, especially if you're a novice around D/s, but believe me, it's not.
The result has been more satisfying roleplay sessions for both of us. It's become more real, we're both more invested in the scenes, and even if the scenes still aren't terribly extreme, they're more sincere. That in turn means more tension, build-up, release. And if the actual orgasms aren't quantifiably stronger than the one's we've had for the other 10+ years of our marriage, the cathartic release on other levels is. There are parts of both of us that are getting more nourished I think. Actually, being able to order my wife to get on her knees, reach behind her, and spread her asshole wide for me while I watch is a powerful thing that I was not comfortable doing six months ago. She's not an object. But now, for a couple blissful hours each month, she is. And she's delighted to be. It rocks. I am more fulfilled as a result. And by me getting more fulfilled, she's more fulfilled as well. And that's how it should be with sexual activity of two people who care about each other, of course.
I still haven't asked her to do everything I want her to... there's still lots of things I'm afraid to ask her for. But the day (or morning) is coming when I will. And I'm looking forward to it. And so is she. And if she ever does refuse me, maybe, just maybe, we'll actually get into me actually really punishing her for the first time during one of our sessions. Which, I know, is one of her deep dark fantasies which I haven't yet been able to fulfill for her yet, either. But without roleplay, I'm not sure we'd give ourselves and each other permission to fulfill each of our respective needs.
However, it occurred to me the other day, during our 'play date' that the same thing is true for the person who is in the dominant role.
By assuming our roles, it gives me permission to treat her like a slut, a whore, or as she likes to be called, "my dirty fuck hole."
In our day-to-day lives, I'd never, ever treat her like that, nor even think of her that way. Actually, even as I write this, the idea is a bit horrifying. But, in the bedroom, I give her what she needs by ordering her to strip, pleasure me, assume submissive positions, crawl, be tied, spanked, whatever.
Our bondage play and such really started at her suggestion, although being a happy kinkster I've been delighted to accommodate her. But last week as I viewed her on the floor, completely naked on her knees, her forehead touching the floor, her hands out ahead of her, her ass in the air, and her legs spread a bit to give me easy access to her pussy and ass, I realized that the roleplay was giving me permission to actually ask for what I wanted. Which was this:.Complete and absolute carnality without regard to what she might think of me for asking (no, telling) her to do, or even possibly her own desires and do/don't list. To some degree, this is objectifying this woman that I love, the mother of my children, by treating her as a vessel for my own sexual desires.
That I'm actually fulfilling her needs has always made our play okay with me intellectually on one level. But it's only been recently, and I mean, like, in the last 6 months, that I got through some other mental barrier of my own to reach a new level, where I no longer play a role trying to cater to what I've been able to figure out around her sexual fantasies and desires, and asking only for what I think she, my wife, will let me do or wants me to do. Now, by adding that element of objectification, I'm separating the person that is my wife from my own desires. I've stopped (well, started to stop) worrying about her rejecting what I want and me as a person for asking for it, and am increasingly ordering her more firmly to do what I want her to do. This may seem like a small difference, especially if you're a novice around D/s, but believe me, it's not.
The result has been more satisfying roleplay sessions for both of us. It's become more real, we're both more invested in the scenes, and even if the scenes still aren't terribly extreme, they're more sincere. That in turn means more tension, build-up, release. And if the actual orgasms aren't quantifiably stronger than the one's we've had for the other 10+ years of our marriage, the cathartic release on other levels is. There are parts of both of us that are getting more nourished I think. Actually, being able to order my wife to get on her knees, reach behind her, and spread her asshole wide for me while I watch is a powerful thing that I was not comfortable doing six months ago. She's not an object. But now, for a couple blissful hours each month, she is. And she's delighted to be. It rocks. I am more fulfilled as a result. And by me getting more fulfilled, she's more fulfilled as well. And that's how it should be with sexual activity of two people who care about each other, of course.
I still haven't asked her to do everything I want her to... there's still lots of things I'm afraid to ask her for. But the day (or morning) is coming when I will. And I'm looking forward to it. And so is she. And if she ever does refuse me, maybe, just maybe, we'll actually get into me actually really punishing her for the first time during one of our sessions. Which, I know, is one of her deep dark fantasies which I haven't yet been able to fulfill for her yet, either. But without roleplay, I'm not sure we'd give ourselves and each other permission to fulfill each of our respective needs.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Urethral play
My wife is crazy for having her pee hole stimulated.
This surprised the hell out of both of us when we found it. But boy, are we glad we discovered that spot!
We found it after I had read a book a year or two back called She Comes First, which I highly recommend. Among other great tips, the author discusses in detail the 17 specific areas that a woman has that can be stimulated. One of these is the ring of erectile tissue around the urethral opening.
It was news to me at the time that women even had erectile tissue, but they do, much like men. That's why women's genitals get 'swollen' when they get excited. Well, duh. Seems obvious now.
Around the pee hole is a specific, horseshoe shaped ring of tissue that gets very sensitive when a women gets excited, and in some women, is very sensitive. My wife is one of these women. Not only does she like that area rubbed and licked, but she really likes it when I work the tip of my pinky into her hole. Amazing.
Not every woman will enjoy every kind of stimulation, but check this one out. Like the book I reference, I highly recommend this hot-spot.
This surprised the hell out of both of us when we found it. But boy, are we glad we discovered that spot!
We found it after I had read a book a year or two back called She Comes First, which I highly recommend. Among other great tips, the author discusses in detail the 17 specific areas that a woman has that can be stimulated. One of these is the ring of erectile tissue around the urethral opening.
It was news to me at the time that women even had erectile tissue, but they do, much like men. That's why women's genitals get 'swollen' when they get excited. Well, duh. Seems obvious now.
Around the pee hole is a specific, horseshoe shaped ring of tissue that gets very sensitive when a women gets excited, and in some women, is very sensitive. My wife is one of these women. Not only does she like that area rubbed and licked, but she really likes it when I work the tip of my pinky into her hole. Amazing.
Not every woman will enjoy every kind of stimulation, but check this one out. Like the book I reference, I highly recommend this hot-spot.
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